demetre...

soo... there's this guy. (thats him <<<) his name's demetre. yea. i know what everybody is thinking right now. ha here comes another sappy ass love story right? WRONG! i hate this kid. i really do. but for some reason... after every single one of our retarded falling outs and restarts...i cant find it in my heart to actually hate him out loud. he's sorta become a growth if you will...like a non cancerous tumor that lives on me and i cant really see it but i can feel it and i know its there, no one else know's its there but i know its there and i keep thinking about it. and it doesnt care about me its only simply living off of me for my pure unenjoyment. we're friends but we always seem to have these crazy ass fights that hurl us (mostly me) into a deathtrap of hate and unhappiness. i really havent figured out if this whole "falling out" deal messes with him as much as it does me...but i really dont know what i should do. i mean this kid means the world to me. like if i could be with anyone. i would most definately choose him but with all the things he's put me through/i've put him through, i have no idea why i'm still interested, why i dont get sick of his i'm sorry's, or why i never stop waiting for his late night call with an "i love you" attatched to it. it seems silly because i'm 16 to feel this way about someone but what am i supposed to do. my philosophy on love is "dont tell me something like 'i love you' and not mean it, because i might do something crazy and believe it" demetre messed with me, or at least i'm pretty sure it was messing, for 2ish years of my life and led me to believe the lie that was he wanted to be with me. but he never did, my chance never came, and he never said he was sorry. i give him chance after chance when he's never even given me one. i know its easy in the eyes of the reader to say some thing like "well then why the hell do you still talk to him" but if you've ever been in love, or something close to it, you'd know why i cant just cut him off from me. its just so crazy. hmm. oh well

ugh...

There is a point where in the small town kid's life when you realize...omg.i'm not going anywhere in life. I hit that point today. and i gotta say i'm scared. my whole life will be spent in this endless circle of gossip and drama in this small ass town *cough* Lake Shitty *cough*. I really did think about it though. over a bowl of microwaved linguini and a glass of almost see through orange juice. I almost had a breakdown ya know. I'm a wanna be die hard rebel without a cause. But in this town there's no room for people like me and some of my best friends. Not like it really matters. i guess it just seems like i cant be who i want to be...even though who i wanna be is a complete stereotyped negative symbol to society. yeah...well i guess thats probably it for now. i gotta go try to make my dumb retarded twitter to work. Peace out!

This is Me

Yepp. I gotta say that is definately me. I totally copied this blogging idea from by buddy pal nate. who started one of these a week or so ago. Anyways my name's Natacia..tasha, tash..for short. I'm hoping that this bloggin deal might possibly help me relieve some unwanted stress. Ha like i said guys, boring. It'll get better...I hope. I dont feel that i need to tell you loads of things about me cuz i'm sure you'll learn lots as we go. Well...toodles.