soo... there's this guy. (thats him <<<) his name's demetre. yea. i know what everybody is thinking right now. ha here comes another sappy ass love story right? WRONG! i hate this kid. i really do. but for some reason... after every single one of our retarded falling outs and restarts...i cant find it in my heart to actually hate him out loud. he's sorta become a growth if you will...like a non cancerous tumor that lives on me and i cant really see it but i can feel it and i know its there, no one else know's its there but i know its there and i keep thinking about it. and it doesnt care about me its only simply living off of me for my pure unenjoyment. we're friends but we always seem to have these crazy ass fights that hurl us (mostly me) into a deathtrap of hate and unhappiness. i really havent figured out if this whole "falling out" deal messes with him as much as it does me...but i really dont know what i should do. i mean this kid means the world to me. like if i could be with anyone. i would most definately choose him but with all the things he's put me through/i've put him through, i have no idea why i'm still interested, why i dont get sick of his i'm sorry's, or why i never stop waiting for his late night call with an "i love you" attatched to it. it seems silly because i'm 16 to feel this way about someone but what am i supposed to do. my philosophy on love is "dont tell me something like 'i love you' and not mean it, because i might do something crazy and believe it" demetre messed with me, or at least i'm pretty sure it was messing, for 2ish years of my life and led me to believe the lie that was he wanted to be with me. but he never did, my chance never came, and he never said he was sorry. i give him chance after chance when he's never even given me one. i know its easy in the eyes of the reader to say some thing like "well then why the hell do you still talk to him" but if you've ever been in love, or something close to it, you'd know why i cant just cut him off from me. its just so crazy. hmm. oh well
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