Drew.Mathew.Anway

Life.. is better. Much better. I'm happy! I met this guy, his name is Drew, about 7 months ago, well I'd liked him and pretty much stalked him until at prom, I finally got the nerve to talk to him and 2 days later boom he's mine. Lol. We've been together almost 6 months now and I cant wait to see where things go with him. He is the most amazing boyfriend, and he always knows how to make me smile. We did have about a 3 week mishap just recently but, we're back together now and I know that I will NEVER let him go again. I've realized just in the past few months that boys come and go and there is one day that you will find that one guy you're looking for.. and it might take a few mistakes and fights, and breakups and makeups but in the words of Bret Michaels "every rose has its thorns" and every relationship will as well. The thing about love is, that once you have it, it doesnt leave you alone. I know, I tried being with someone else for 3 weeks, and I just couldnt stop thinking about Drew. The fact is, that no one will be able to hold my hand or tell me that they love me the way he does, and without him there's a huge gaping hole in my heart. Theres just one piece of information, when you cry because "you dont want to break up with him" and he's staring back at you with question in his eyes, dont break up with him... he's a keeper... I promise. And no other guy can fill that hole. Mine is Drew shaped... and its finally full again. :)

i feel like crying

well as usual there always has to be something wrong with something good in my life. i get really sick of this kind of thing. and people wonder why i'm so moody. that guy that i told the world about...yea he likes another girl. it sucks ya know. like sometimes i wonder what's wrong with me, that i cant ever be anyone's number one. i know alot of people most likely feel the way i do but it just gets tiring. like....my mom always said that when the right guy comes along, i'll know, but i get sick and tired of waiting, and if you knew what i felt alot of the times, you'd know exactly why. i know when i'm really upset about something cuz i shake, well worse than i normally do. like i wana cry but i know that in a setting like school the wrong thing to do would be to cry. i dont want everyone staring at me, and i definately dont want people to know that there is something wrong with me. he just sent me a text message, and i'm kinda scared to read it. yeah it says "i want to be honest with you". psh...thats what they always say. like really....is it so hard to just lie to me sometimes. make me feel like i actually do matter. shit. i can feel the tears....fuck its just been a really bad coulple of days, and this is just the icing on the cake. i feel pathetic...and little. like i dont matter to anyone enough for them to get to know me. i can say...with derision that no one knows me better than myself. i've lost every single thing i've ever really wanted. its irritating. it seriously bugs me. i try so hard to be somebody that everyone likes because when i be myself no one seems to give a shit....i dont really have anyone to turn to because my "friends" dont really give a flying fuck what happens to me and all my mom ever says is "no boy is worth your tears natacia" i'm sick of hearing that, i'm sick of getting my heart ripped out and smeared on the ground...and i'm sick of sitting down on the ground after its all over and trying to piece everything back together without letting anyone know that anything is wrong with me. it just gets ridiculously sickning. maybe something is wrong with me...but if there is something wrong with me i wish someone would just tell me already. I dont want to be sarcastic with him but i dont want him to know how upset i am. and i dont want these people to know that there's something wrong with me. i just want things to work for me. just once, when something really matters to me...i just really wish god for one time in my shitty ass life, could fix something in my favor. if he says everything about me is perfect then why doesnt it work? why is what i feel always the complete opposite of what everyone else thinks. they say it doesnt pay to be someone ur not, but what do i do when the person i really am is rejected in every sense known to man. i just wanna die sometimes. suicide seems like such an easy outer...but thats the problem its just too damn easy. you could take a couple pills or pull a trigger, and just like that your whole fucking life all the shit you have to deal with everyday is gone. it just seems too easy. i couldnt ever do it of course, i'm not that selfish, i do know that my family would miss me a great deal...i'm so good at hiding my emotions that sometimes people cant tell the difference....all iwant to do...is get something right....no i want someone to love me...to pick me over someone else....to look at me and know that there's no one else in this whole world that they'd rather be with. i dont wana cry anymore. ever.

Hmm.. History kinda sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the added exclaimation points actually mean something)

So i really havent blogged for a while and I APOLOGIZE!!! i've tweeted as much as possible but i dont have my phone at the current moment so tweeting is sort of off of my agenda. Well i know it sounds faulty because i say this everytime i blog but i'm pretty sure i'm actually in love right now. there's this guy. (and because i dont know what his feelings about me currently he will remain annonymous). But he's super cool and amazingly cute...and yeah..you could say that its a little kid crush i guess. I've thrown away all my journals, due to a invasion of my privacy, so i think that blogging will definately become something that will happen close to every day. Oh i know, not a very long entry but its all good. I only have 7 more minutes then i have to go to spanish. DEATH TO THAT CLASS! i dont hate it as much as i dislike Ms. Hanson but ya know... its ok. Ms. Hanson just bothers me. Gosh i really hope she never reads this. Well its not like i'm showing a picture of her, which is something i could do, but i choose not to because i dont want to look at her face. I HATE HER! lol but its ok i guess, only one more year [hopefully] of her teaching [if it even deserves to be called teaching, i think not] i wonder if kevin, brandon, and nate are really the only ones who actually read this? Hmm...could be. Well i get my phone back next week so the tweeting will start up again. even tho i know it bugs the hell out of nathan it actually makes me feel good about my feelings [maybe its just me annoying nathan that gives me the high]. well i'm sure i'll get time to blog later. peace out homie g's

i really hope things will go ok this time.

i havent been on in a a long time. i apologize for any one thats been reading on a reegular basis.....which would be no one. Well anyways. i met a boy. i met a boy yesterday and i know its early but i kinda like him...not alot...well yea alot, enough to wanna go hang out with him next weekend. i wont say his name because unlike demetre i actually have respect for him and want to keep our relationship where it is. at a nice steady breeze. i havent tweeted in a long time either but yesterday we went to sections for one act and got robbed by a gay ass play called Cagebirds, and another dry ass play called Art. But i have a strategy for next year, we're going to pick a play that has a horrible ending and a bunch of dry humor and then maybe we'll go and win at state. but anyways....yeah. i dont really know if i have much more to blog about but i dont feel like stopping. Ha. i think that's the problem with a lot of people in this country. They really dont have a reason to, but they want to do it anyways. Like eating. ha. which is what i'm doing right now. sad huh. i have 3 7th graders who have been playing xbox at my house since about 1:30 this afternoon. Its now 5:58 in the evening and they're still at it. I'm absolutely not in the mood to do my geometry DEATH TO MS. HANSON! i know how to do everything in that class its just that i'm pretty sure ms. hanson knows that i hate with a passion homework and she gives it...then i dont do it. i dont see the point in doing homework on material i already understand. Between the three 7th graders at my house they just went through 80 pizza pockets, three liters of soda, and two family size bags of chips. the funniest thing is that all three of them are wrestlers. ha. i havent eaten anything. maybe thats what i should do. infact i'm going to do that. bye!

oh the life of me.

TOMORO IS MONDAY! LAME! THAT MEANS MS. HANSON! lol well anyways i had a really good weekend... Thursday (all day): Protest at the State Capital against partial birth abortion with mom rachelle and trish, then we went to olive garden, then we almost got me and rachelle's nose pierced but its really expensive in Red Wing. Friday...hmm what did i do on Friday....well Sean Bowe(my bestest friend ever) got back from Florida! YAY i missed him so much but what did i do on friday??? oh yes! I went to the Junior High Red Wing play my mom's best friends daughter was in it. It was Aladdin and it was SOOO cute. oh and i found out some crazy stuff about a guy i met like 3 months ago and there was a potential relationship but anyways apparently, we used to live on the same street and we rode in a wagon together, held hands, and played on a swing set....wierd! i had no idea that me and this kid had a past, maybe now things might spark back up between us, i mean hey, he's cute lol. Saturday: I had subsections for One Act, boy that was a lot of fun, we got 2nd place on our play Bang Bang You're Dead and will be moving on to subsections next weekend, hopefully then to state. That night i went to a the movie My Bloody Valentine, and lets just say it wasnt nearly as good as i thought it would be. I went with my Rachelle, Sean and Welsh Cody. Welsh Cody is super cute and he's from Whales. Do you know how cool awesome Whales is? Well my little brother just cut himself in the bathroom with a razor and i think we have to the emergency room cuz its bleeding like crazy...so yeah....yuck. This is natacia signin off

ugh...monday monday

monday (well tuesday but it feels like monday cuz we didnt have school on monday). the most retarded and boring day of the week. It angers me. Monday means school, and monday means ms. hanson. Boy do i dislike that woman. not as a person of course but as a teacher. i dont really think its good when you're afraid to ask your teacher for help because you think she'll look at you and roll her eyes. When your teacher gives you homework and sits on myspace the entire hour. you tend to wonder why she's really a teacher. Free internet? that would be my best guess. new semester today. i dont like my new class line up. without p.e its kinda lame....i mean dont get me wrong i HATED phy ed. but without it the day goes extremely slow and its really boring. and choir in the morning doesnt really turn my buttons in the right way either. the only thing i look forward to on mondays is play practice, and even that is beginning to get on my nerves. I'm watching inauguration coverage, man do i love obama. that man is the best looking president we've had so far. i cried watching his address...wow thats pathetic. like he matters anyways congress can just override anything they dont like. what a load of shit. i really wish this gay ass twitter thing would work with my phone otherwise i'll have to find a new site to send tweets on. oh well. well i'm pretty sure my daily awesome blog is over. Thanks for reading everone!

I have nothing better to do so why not write some more! YAY! for all of the 2 people that actually may possibly read my blog. -groan- I feel so trapped ya know. Like theres nothing going for me. I want to go to college ya know (wow that was Minnesotan of me) but it seems like..where am I going to get the money, and what college OUTSIDE of the midwest is going to want to accept little old me from Lake Shit Town minnesota, with average grades and the gayest life ever...wow new subject. Somebody told me today that blogging is retarded and only people who dont have lives blog. Hm.. well i have a life, and i have a blog. I work, go to school, and hang out with my friends, but i have a blog. And i have fun with my blog. I think maybe people are just afraid of broadcasting their lives on the internet for everyone to see. But how else is a small town goodie-two-shoes like me supposed to get any attention if she doesnt blog. Its fun. Well at least for someone like me. I love to write and i love to complain. I'm a hipster! Well at least thats what kelsey says i am. Oh lord. Hmm. i 'm pretty sure thats all for now.